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How to Survive a Wedding Zombie Apocalypse

There are so many websites and checklists on what to do in a Zombie Apocalypse, but I haven’t seen anything on what to if you are at a wedding / reception when the Zombie Apocalypse starts.  I came up with my own checklist since we are getting closer to Halloween and you never know when the walking dead will appear.

How to Survive a Wedding Zombie Apocalypse

 

  1. Don’t get bitten!!  Everyone knows this is the first and most important rule in surviving.  If you are at a reception and you see the zombies entering (without an invitation, no less), quickly make your exit.  With all the guests running in circles, this will only confuse the zombies making it easier for you to get away.
  1. Kick off your sparkly high heels.  You will be doing A LOT of running and a broken heel will slow you down.  Hearing “Oh darn, my heel just broke” will alert all the zombies in your vicinity to come after you.  It is best to have a pair of comfortable boots in your car.
  1. Stock up on food, drinks and medications. A wedding is a great place to be at when the zombie apocalypse starts because there is plenty of food and drinks everywhere!   Grab the serving trays from the buffet line and load them in your car.  While you are at it, grab all the free drinks you can find (kegs if you can carry them quickly because it may be awhile before you get your hands on a nice cold beer).  Before leaving, find the bride’s survival kit that has so many things you can use:  first aid kit, sewing kit, duct tape, moist towelettes, Tylenol etc.   You will find many uses for these items.
  1. Get near water. If wedding / reception is a near a lake jump on the nearest boat and start paddling.  Everyone knows that zombies can’t swim. 
  1. Stay in groups! There is strength in numbers and you have a better chance of surviving with a large group.  Even though you dislike your third cousin Larry, it is better to have him with you than trying to survive on your own.
  1. Lastly, whatever you do ….. DO NOT LIGHT YOUR WEDDING SPARKLERS!  Zombies are attracted to lights and when they see the beautiful glow of our sparklers, it will entice them to come towards you. Our sparklers are so much brighter and burn longer than other sparklers, that you do not want to chance lighting a sparkler from buysparklers.com if you want to live!  If all else fails, you can use our #36 Wedding Sparklers as a distraction by staking them in the ground, then lighting them and take off running.  This will give you a 4 minute head start on the zombies and they will be completely mesmerized by the glow.

These are only my recommendations on what to do during a wedding zombie apocalypse, and following the above suggestions may not guarantee your survival!